1) When They Sleep, You Sleep.
The person who came up with this must have had a maid.
2) You’ll Be Bored Senseless
Not all the time, but some of the time. LIE. Most of the time.
3) Mess. Lots of Mess.
Seriously. Where does it all come from?? It breeds! How do such little people create such chaos?!
4) You Find the Urge to Punch Anyone Without Kids, Who Says ‘I’m Tired.’
Seriously. Stand back.
5) Your Friendships with Non-Mums Change.
Fact. You try your hardest not to let it alter your friendships. You swear it won’t. You fight it. But ultimately, the elephant in the room is that they will never know how challenging, stressful and exhausting your life is unless they have kids. What’s worse is that you remember how much simpler life was pre-kids, and lets face it, you’re a bit jel.
Eventually you get past this stage, and if you’re lucky, like me, have an incredible bunch of diverse friends who enrich your life on a whole new level. You come to appreciate them so much more, so hold on to them and don’t be an a*sehole to them now 😉
6) Your Personal Style Disappears with the Placenta.
Black and stretchy? Add it to the pile. Urgh.
7) Hungry, Tired or Needs Changing? Bu11sh*t
Sometimes babies cry. And Cry. And you don’t have the foggiest why. Hey that rhymes.
8) It’s Lonely
You feel like everyone you ever knew and loved and had a conversation with has now completely forgotten you exist. In honesty, they kind of have. Not in a nasty way, but just in the ‘getting on with life’ way, and your 8lb mascot kind of ruins our vibe. (This does not help with point 6 – you hate everyone again).
9) If you Finish a Cup of Coffee, it’s a Good Day.
The vision of being a new mum. Coffee and cake at M&S with your bestie and baby.
The reality is you haven’t washed your hair in over a week, and the house is littered with mould-infested cups of untouched cold coffee stinking up next to nappy explosions dotted throughout the house. The last thing you feel like doing right now is socialising.
If you make it out for a cup of coffee, you can’t remember what the conversation was about because you spent the entire time trying to nurse a fussy baby who just barfed on your jumper; and your brain won’t make it to the gear where you can say anything remotely intelligent or witty (thanks to point 6). Oh plus you probably forgot your purse int he rush to get out. #awks
10) You Change
You can fight it as much as you want, but in the end you change, because it’s what you have to do to survive. The key is whether you change in to someone you loathe (like I did) or turn it around and use this new beginning to transform your life in to something so incredible, because in the end, as crazy as they are, children strip you down and expose a part of you that you never knew existed until they arrived. It can be the start of a whole new you, better than the ‘before’ version…. if you let it.
Waiting until Monday to get started on that reinvention of yourself….??? Don’t miss this blog on how to beat procrastination….!